Tuesday, December 27, 2005
Our Chrismas is still not complete--we still have Christmas with the Biz's this weekend! Malaya is excited to see her cousins.
Malaya lost her second tooth yesterday!! I feel like she is growing so fast-I wish I could just push pause!
Well, I am off to read my toothless one a book and put her too bed!
More Christmas memories too come--
Wednesday, December 21, 2005
My 2005 Christmas shopping is complete! I am taking a blogging break before I jump into a few hours of wrapping! I am so excited about being with family the next week or so. Family starts coming in tomorrow! YEA!!
As I was driving to run some errands Monday morning I got this overwhelming realization of the enormous things God has done in my life this past year. He has taught me so much, my heart truly does not feel the same. His forgiveness, love, patience, pleading, comfort (and many more things) has showered over me in miraculous, unexplainable ways. And it truly is unexplainable. Have you ever tried to explain it?? I truly can not even put it into words except just to say God is amazing...He is true...He is steady...He works miracles...He loves EVERYONE unconditionally...He is full of grace...His blood never runs out...He is the Judger--NOT ME (as much as I try to be:)...Him revealing himself to me is endless...He is so full of characteristics that I could spend a life time and never know the depth of Him.
This past year I have fallen so much deeper in love with him! I always thought it was kind of weird when people said that, but it is so true.
I will save my goals and dreams for this next year in a New Year's post.
Bringing this back to Christmas :)--Can you truly believe that God sent His son (himself in flesh) to be "us". It amazes me. I think about Mary and how her heart must have felt when that angel told her that she was carrying the Savior/her son would save the world from eternal damnation!! What a deep love she must have had for Jesus. It truly is a miracle. The devil had to have been throwing a fit the day of his birth. Absolutely amazing!!
I hope you all have a great season of giving and I hope you have some time of reflection of what God has done in your life this past year.
Thursday, December 15, 2005
Have I said before how much I LOVE being up at Malaya's school. I am that dork who LOVES volunteering-I LOVE cutting, running copies, running school errands, etc. and I have LOVED being Room Mom. I am such a nerd!!
Here is a FUN little Christmas "quiz" tag that I got from Paige!! EVERYONE who is reading this, consider yourself tagged!!
1. Egg Nog or Hot Chocolate? Hot Chocolate
2. Does Santa wrap presents or just sit them under the tree? We wrap gifts to each other but on Christmas morning, the gifts Santa leaves are not wrapped.
3. Colored lights on tree/house or white? Absolutely WHITE and I do love the icicle ones!
4. Do you hang mistletoe? No, but I should! I 'll take a kiss (from David of course) whenever I can get it:)
5. When do you put your decorations up? As soon as possible after Thanksgiving!
6. What is your favorite holiday dish (excluding dessert)? Hot rolls and Peanut Butter/Fudge candy
7. Favorite Holiday memory as a child? opening gifts as our little family and then going to Groveton to do Christmas with Hutson's and grandparents.
8. When and how did you learn the truth about Santa? Not sure, I think I knew early but I still "pretend" that he really does exist!
9. Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve? No way!!
10. What kind of cookies does Santa get set out for him? Usually sugar but we always leave candies too.
11. Snow! Love it or Dread it? LOVE IT
12. Can you ice skate? Are you kidding!! No way!
13. Do you remember your favorite gift? Any time I get new clothes it is exciting but I can't pin down a favorite!
14. What's the most important thing about the Holidays for you? Being with family and giving gifts.
15. What is your favorite Holiday Dessert? Fudges, candies, etc.
16. What is your favorite holiday tradition? There are many!! Shopping with Mom, reading the Night Before Christmas, the night before Christmas:) We always read it when I was little and I have read it to Malaya every year whether she listened or not!
17. What tops your tree? a silver star
18. Which do you prefer Giving or Receiving? for sure giving
19. What is your favorite Christmas Carol? O Holy Night or I Saw Mama Kissing Santa Claus
20. Candy Canes! Yuck or Yum? In the middle-they are okay!
How fun!! Now it is your turn--
Wednesday, December 07, 2005
Don't you just love days that you are forced to not leave the house!! David has been home today and I LOVE having him home. I could sit on the couch cuddled up with him ALL day and be in heaven!
As you can see, Malaya and David decided to go play outside in this weather and being the thrillseekers both of them are--David spun Malaya in the wagon while she went sliding down the street on the ice. Princess even got in on the action. David would throw her the ball and she would go sliding at extremely high speed down the street! David busted it a couple of times and I attempted to get that on camera but I think with my laughing I could not keep the camera still. They had a great time!!
David drove with me and Malaya to take her to school b/c I hate driving in this weather and we slipped quite a few times. When we picked her up, we got slammed in the face with ice as we ran back to the truck!! Good times:)
Hope everyone in our area is enjoying their day indoors. If you did drive or travel, I hope you were safe.
Saturday, December 03, 2005
My words cannot express the outpouring of encouragement and prayers that I received through this blog the past few days. Thanks to my sweet Dad who was desperate for intervention for a hurting daughter. Thanks to my mom for her plea through her blog for prayers for me, David, and Malaya. Thanks to my wonderful brothers and sister in laws-Thank you for being God's instruments. You each are amazing! Thanks to my irreplaceable friends - Kelli, Paige, Jami, Valerie, Amber, Summer, Joel and Kim, your visits, phone calls, and prayerful intervention have been such strength.
And to the many friends that I have never even met or have only met a few times. What a gift all of your comments were. I have read many of them numerous times. I feel God drawing me nearer to Him every time I read your words. Thank each of you for taking time out to comment on my blog and leave words of hope, encouragement and testimonies of God's faithfulness through your stories. My heart is overflowing with gratitude for you. Thank you also for being God's instruments. You were used!
We continue to live because of the breath that God offers. Thank you for those that are praying and those that committed through this blog to pray for our family. My gratefulness is immeasurable!
I have learned more than ever this week about the greatness of the body of Christ. Thank you for extending His hands and feet to me.
I am committed to seeking the Lord more every day as he continues to mold me into what He desires for me to be. May my life be a reflection of Him...
Wednesday, November 30, 2005
I have already had a very emotional day. Satan hit me hard in a few areas today. I just put my precious 5 year old to bed and for the second time EVER she shed tears over not having a brother or sister. This is so painful for me! She confessed that this week she started lying to the kids in her class. They had made fun of her a few weeks ago for not having any siblings. So this week she decided that she was going to start lying about it. She even told them their names: She has 2 sisters named Haley and Darla and a brother named Colton. She told me that she had been lying. She said that she doesn't want to have any of her friends over any more b/c they will "find out" that she really does not have any brothers or sisters!
If I don't come close to understanding this, how in the world is my 5 year old supposed to wrap her brain around this. She asked me, "What is wrong with you Mommy, that you can't have a baby in your tummy. " Shattered heart again as I explained to her that I just don't know. My heart breaks for her. In some part of my heart I wanted to tell her to keep lying to make it easy for her but I didn't of course. I told her that I don't understand either but that it is very important that she start telling the truth.
I left her to go pray and opened up the Word to Psalm 84:11. It says, "For the Lord God is a sun and shield; the Lord bestows favor and honor; no good thing does God withhold from those whose walk is blameless." Oh, have I wrestled with this verse the last few years. I know that I do not define "what is a good thing", God does. But Satan loves to tease me with these words and rip God's perfect Word to shreds in my mind. Sometimes I feel withheld from, sometimes I don't feel favored and honored and my walk is definitely not blameless.
I hate that my daughter is starting to experience my pain. I want to point her towards the truth and to God's faithfulness but tonight I feel weak and speechless.
I confess my selfishness and will attempt to continue to lay this down where it belongs.
(Thank you Kayci for your sweet prayer just now! You are a jewel! Your phone call was perfect timing! Thank you for letting me shed tears with you and just for listening!)
Saturday, November 26, 2005
Finishing a yummy meal!!
Here is my Papa, Malaya, and B.
Okay, I think I ran out of picture room so here is a few more! Sorry so many but I had to work really hard to even it down to these!
Malaya and her sweet teacher!!
Malaya had a speaking part in their program. She did GREAT!! We were so proud of her!
What a GREAT week we have had.
Malaya's program/feast/shopping/eating/visiting/traveling/eating/being with family/eating some more!! It has been a fun week. We loved spending time with my grandparents. My grandmother's (we call her B) cooking was out of this world. My grandfather's (Papa) wit was funnier than ever. They are such wonderful, Godly people and have meant so much to my foundation of faith. It has been such a blessing for Malaya to get to have a relationship with her Great-Grandparents.
Thanks so much to my precious Dad who made Thanksgiving lunch so special by his blessing and encouragement he gave each person! I will never forget that!
I am still learning how to put pictures on here. They are in backwards time order. Sorry about the confusion!
Hope everyone had a Great Thanksgiving!! What a fun time of year!!
Tuesday, November 22, 2005
Malaya loves both of her uncles very much! But a special tradition (sacrifice) that Uncle Josh does every year on vacation is this....
Josh pretends to be "Amy". She "comes out" periodically, on random nights on vacation. She tries to scrounge whatever outfit will fit around his muscles:), puts on some sort of wig ( some year's it's panty hose, one year it was a blonde hula skirt and this year it was a shirt (I think). Josh tries to convince Malaya that "Amy" dies her hair from year to year. This past year was the BEST!! "Amy" performed a concert for Malaya which consisted of "choreograhy" and everything. This picture was a pose after the concert. Malaya thinks this is the best thing all year. "Amy" calls our house from time to time to visit with Malaya.
Now let me give this disclaimer for anyone who does not know Josh! He is married to a wonderful WOMAN named Kayci! He is a minister and a grad student at Abilene Christian University. He enjoys working out, is a huge Huskers, Mav's, Rangers, and Barry Bonds fan (that should explain it all:) This is just one of those funny "uncle" things!
Malaya went to dayschool last year and told her teachers that she has an uncle that is a preacher that dresses up like a woman at night. There were some eyebrows raised at that one but I was very quick to explain!!
Thanks Uncle Josh for being an Uncle who is willing to do anything to make your neice laugh!!
Monday, November 14, 2005
David and I got home about 11:30 and we then continued our night with Jeremy as we watched his acoustic concert on DVD. Great times!! Great times!!
My mom is home from Germany! We missed her so much! We got to meet and say hi last night for a minute and when I pick Malaya up from school today we are going to head to Decatur to hang out, visit, and unpack more boxes. The unpacking was put on hold while Mom was gone. So glad she's back!!
Hope everyone is gearing up for the holidays!! I heard my first Christmas song on KLTY this morning. The season is upon us!!
Friday, November 11, 2005
Wednesday, November 09, 2005
Anyway, through those hours of "wrestling" the lyrics of one of Jeremy Camp's songs (who I have come to find such blessing in his music) kept coming to my head and I prayed these words. May these words bless you today as you are searching...
"You want to be real
You want to be emptied inside
You want to be someone laying down your pride
You want to be someone someday
Then lay it all down before the King
You want to be whole
You want to have purpose inside
You want to have virtue and purify your mind
You want to be set free today
Then lay it all down before the King
This is my desire
This is my return
This is my desire to be used by you.
You want to be real
You want to be emptied inside
And I know my heart is to feel you near
And I know my life
It's to do your will
It's to do your will
This is my desire
This is my return
This is my desire to be used by you.
All my life I have seen where you've taken me
Beyond all I have hoped and there's more left unseen
There's not much I can do repay all you've done
So I give my hands to use
This is my desire
This is my return
This is my desire to be used by you."
I have been dared by the Lord to seek him even deeper. I am taking him on His challenge!
"Seek me and you WILL find me" says the Lord. I give You my hands to use.........
Saturday, November 05, 2005
I am off to clean the house which is always very exciting to me to have done! Then we are going to clean out the garage!
Is there a better Saturday??:)
Germany update: Mom is safely in Germany! It is nighttime there so they are off to bed. I am so grateful that they arrived safely!
Thursday, November 03, 2005
Please keep Mom in your prayers. She leaves tomorrow for Germany for about 2 weeks. She is going with a group of about 20 women to minister over there. I am excited for her but it is a little anxious too knowing she will be overseas. We pray God's protection and that God will use Mom in amazing ways while she is there which I have no doubt about:) Also, just pray that she won't think too much about her "newly moved into house that is in a whirlwind". And that she will be able to lay that stress down while she on her trip.
It would probably be good to pray for Dad too. He always hates it when Mom is gone. He will be on pins and needles ready for her to get home!
Thanks for everyone's prayers for Mom and Dad over the past year or so. They are off to a great new beginning and it will be exciting to see what God will do through them there.
Baby J update-Baby J is 18 mm!! Growing like a weed:) They got pictures and saw the heart beating! Jennifer didn't even pass out once!! She got really dizzy at one point and thought she was going to pass out and the nurse quickly turned the sonogram screen around and when Jennifer saw their baby, she was fine:) Wow, the draw of a mother:) We can't wait till June!
Tuesday, November 01, 2005
David is truly my deepest friend. Anyone that is married will know that marriage is not always easy. We have sure had our share of hard times and times of doubt and times that were full of Satan's lies and activity. Praise God that He uses those times to deepen our faith, to make us rely on Him, and teach us what "wrestling with the Lord" means through prayer. And most importantly to deepen our love for Him and each other.
Through those times I have gained a "mountain" of respect for my husband. He is so loyal and tender hearted! He teaches me daily how to be more like Jesus. He deepens my walk, he challenges me and my shallow thinking. He makes me think outside the box. You see, I have always been one that was perfectly comfortable right inside my box. David dares me to step out. He challenges me to see what is beyond "my box". What a gift he has given me through that dare!
When Malaya was in my womb he would talk to her, he would tickle her (or me I suppose), he was precious! When she was born he would get very insulted when my Mom or I would try to tell him how to do things. You see he was the oldest of 5 and was much more of a pro at all of that than I was. There were nights when he would take his "shift" and he would fall asleep on the floor in the nursery, just to make sure I would sleep and know he was "taking care of her".
He has been my light so many times in my life when I was blinded by satan's darkness. He has prayed me through and physically held me when I could not lift my own head from sadness. God worked through him to help me feel my victory. David helps me daily deal with reality. He is a constant amongst my mental chaos.
He always has a unique perspective on life. I have 100% confidence that I can ask his opinion at any time and he will give me an honest answer. He is a devoted man of God's word. He is faithful in being a man of prayer. So many times I will catch David walking around the house or driving in the car and his lips will be moving. It is the cutest thing and I know that he is having some serious conversations with the Lord and I dare not interrupt. I just quietly giggle to myself.
David is a fighter (not physically but in every other way) He never gives up on a good challenge. He is the MOST resourceful person I have ever known. Do not EVER tell him he can't do anything!! He will do it and do it well!
David is a terrific, magnificent, fun-loving, loyal, prayerful, wise Dad!! That is not nearly enough words to describe him! Malaya and David have always had such a special bond. She knows her daddy is full of fun and adventure but yet she knows his rules, she respects his discipline, and listens to him so much more than me:) Sometimes I am jealous of the way he can interact with her. He is amazing with her. He is patient with her. He always attempts to see things from her perspective and see life through her eyes. He prays over his discipline. He is so very interested in her life. It fills my heart with joy to watch them together! The only down side to this is now that Malaya has started school, if I am not home to make sure Malaya gets to bed, Malaya does not get put to bed. I will come home from a night out and there have been times when they have built ramps to race her Barbie cars, they have built campsites, they have had reading marathons, they have cartoon-a-thons, they have cooked things, they have made the house a zoo (literally)with all her animals, played dress up, had tea parties, and David has taught Malaya every kind of flip and cheerleading stunt you can imagine!
As any couple, there are some things (okay a lot of things) that really annoy me. Here is a short list of things.... no, I won't go there. This is a time of edification:) and honestly I wouldn't trade even those horrible habits.
I can not close this out and not mention David's incredibly good looks. He is a hottie in my book. I am in love with his bulging biceps and wish every woman had a set like that to hold on to. I will not go any further on that topic...;)
David has blessed so many peoples lives. He is absolutely an amazing person! I am so glad that we crossed paths at Abilene Christian University so that we could be partners.
I love loving you, David Bizaillion and thank you for being you!
Monday, October 31, 2005
I took Malaya to school this morning and as I walked back to my car, the Lord reminded how blessed I am that SHE is my daughter. Every night during our bedtime ritual, I tell her that out of ALL the little girls in the whole wide world I am so glad God sent HER to be my little girl. She is such a gift! She is a passionate, loyal little girl!
I then headed to Wal-Mart and I was praising God as I shopped (is that possible:) for the great friends that God has put in my life. Supportive, encouraging, forgiving, caring, Godly friends!
Then I got home and I had one of those moments when you look at your husband and think "Man, he is sexy:)" I will not elaborate on that anymore:) Our neighbor came by and asked to talk to David. I was reminded again of what a kindhearted, giving, selfless individual he is. (More tribute to David will come tomorrow because tomorrow we celebrate his 31st b-day!!)
It has not rained in Texas since Sept. 26th!! And as I set typing this I am listening to the rain hit my window! That is a blessing!
We begin this week by moving my parents to Decatur! What an exciting time for our family! Decatur is the cutest town! We also kick this week off with David's b-day. This week Jonathan and Jennifer get to hear my neice/nephew's heartbeat for the first time! What a gift!
And lastly and most importantly, I am grateful today that I am a child of God! HE IS AMAZING! He never stops shocking me with his faithfulness. He is ALWAYS what I need. And that he loves me enough that he has blessed ME with all of the things I talked about above! WOW!
Have a great day and bathe in your blessings today!
Friday, October 28, 2005
Well, the training wheels came off about a month ago. She is now riding a bike without them!! She is doing a really good job with the exception of a few times she forgets to brake and she rides right into the truck:) No horrible injuries yet.
The Power Team(a team that travels around to churches and schools and talks to kids about drugs and making good choices. Why Kindergarteners were learning about that, not quite sure. I questioned her teacher about it and she really wasn't sure:) came to Malaya's school yesterday. She came home from school so excited about them so David took her to a local church to see them again last night. She came home and said, "Mom, I don't want to be a Rock and Roll singer anymore. I want to be on the Power Team!" So the daughter I thought I was raising to be a sweet, little lady might truly grow up to be a muscle bound power lifter.
Thursday, October 27, 2005
This is where the Astros hat landed after the last pitch was thrown last night. Sad game:( They got swept! The hat did not leave it's little home here under my bed-side table until today when David decided to suck in his pride and wear it to SAM'S.
We will hang the banner high!
Too bad Andy Pettitte and the Rocket couldn't do it for us in Game 1 and 2:(
Malaya wanted to pose in David's Astros hat. I was trying to get a before and after picture but the pictures posted in the wrong sequence and I could not fix it. It has taken me a while just to put these pictures on.All this to say--it was a rough night, a rough World series BUT.......
It was great to have the 'Stros in the World Series!! Congrats to them and I hope we will go again next year!! May the Bees get to rest and be ready to sting in the Spring!
Monday, October 24, 2005
Well, I hate to say it but I am thinkin' that the 'Stros are gonna' have to tip their hats to the White Sox and be thankful that they made it to the World Series.
They must win the next few at home!!
Sunday, October 23, 2005
Congrats, Jonathan and Jennifer!!
Thursday, October 20, 2005
Another special part of my evening was getting to be with my friends! Jami, Staci, Paige, and Kelli are ALL beautiful, spectacular women of God. They each have shown me Jesus in numerous ways. They have served as HUGE blessings in my life! It was such a gift to sit with all of them tonight and worship and praise God for what He has done in each of our lives. It is such a blessing to have such wonderful women walking this life journey with you!
I go to bed tonight blessed and refreshed!
Wednesday, October 19, 2005
Tuesday, October 18, 2005
Anyway----this morning I am SOOOO MAD!! Berkman brought the game back with his home run bringing the score to 4-2. Petite pitched a great game. All Lidge had to do was work ONE inning!! That's it!!
1 stinkin' strike away from their first EVER world series and Lidge walks Edmonds and gives up a 3 scoring home run to Pujols. Why didn't he walk Pujols???? Why did he walk Edmonds???? All Lidge needed to do was throw one more strike and they were off on their merry way to the WORLD SERIES!!!! I can' t believe it!! God has made me an extremely passionate person. And this moring I am passionate that I:
1) needed to be the manager of the Astros to set things up a little bit better in the 9th, 2) I REALLY need to have a little talk with Lidge!! All he can say about his stupidity is that "Tomorrow is a new day!" Well tomorrow is a new day stinker but today is the day you lost the biggest game of your life. Redemption needs to come Wednesday night!! He better be ready!!
Hopefully Oswalt can redeem it, leave Lidge at home!!!
We will be okay. David and I keep hitting our fists. We keep asking the "What if" questions. The girly side of me wants to cry from frustration. (Here we go again--) David and I were ready to celebrate. We were already jumping up and down, high fivin', I had an "out to eat" in the bag if/ when they won---AAAAAGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
And one more thing---why do Athletes point up to God when they do something successful in a game. I mean-COME ON--God DOES NOT give a whip that Pujols hit a homer to win the game!!
Back to more important things of life after this series is done!!
Saturday, October 15, 2005
It was also a very interesting night after about 6:00. It was DISD night. About a hundred "gang unit" officers were walking around along with the tons of police and DISD security! That was fun! I was definitely put back in the Crockett, East Texas days.
It was a great day! We walked A LOT. But it is worth it for the fun time with family, the GREAT food, and fun entertainment!
If you haven't been yet this year, the fair is opened for 9 more days!! Get to the fair with your family!! You will be glad you went!! I can tell you where to get $6 parking!
Wednesday, October 12, 2005
As I was about to vacuum the carpet against the wall, I opened the tube and stuff flew and fell out everywhere!! I realized, huh, maybe the bag needs to be changed, being I have never changed it!! It did get changed about a year and a half ago but I didn't do it. Paige did! I opened the vacuum and the bag was so full it was about to burst!
So today I had a "first". I changed the vacuum cleaner bag!! It was rather easy and even a little fun to know it was clean and fresh in there. Boy, did my vacuum work good after that!!
So if you are needing a little extra suck from your vacuum cleaner you might want to try changing the bag! It worked!
Monday, October 10, 2005
I can remember my dad rocking me to sleep everynight until I was about 12 (just kidding, really about 6). After my mom washed my hair I used to sit with my dad and he would blow dry and brush my hair. He did it way more gentle than Mom. And now Malaya's favorite person to blowdry and brush her hair is Grampy!! I remember watching in awe as a little girl as we watched "Jesus of Nazareth" and looking back at my dad as tears fell down his face when Christ was crucified. I remember going to and watching numerous Astros games. I remember Dad recording us as kids talking, singing, singing the books of the Bible on audio cassettes. I remember when Dad bought me a wrist corsage to wear to my piano recital. I still to this day have that corsage. I remember Dad's spankings always followed with an "I love you". I remember working in the garden with Dad pulling vegetables and helping him "dig". I remember helping Dad clean the church building. I remember as Dad would lead Bible studies at church and as people would accept Jesus as their Lord b/c of Dad's example and teaching.
I remember when Dad decided to answer the Lord's calling to become a minister/teacher/mentor and we moved to Crockett. I remember being so proud of him as he would get up to preach each Sunday. I remember our Thursday night Bible Studies and again as more people came to know Jesus through his teaching. I remember him picking me up from school in a pick up truck with a huge rust hole in the middle of it. And I could here Dad coming as I was sitting in my last class:) I remember Dad's teasing about my first "boyfriend", Chad Reminakjsdhfakjsdhlf (I never could spell his last name:) I remember going to visit elderly people from church with Dad and love getting to watch as he handed Jesus' compassion and love and respect to them. I remember when I walked down the aisle to be baptized and my dad reached his hand out to me. I remember looking into his eyes as he was about to baptize me and feeling his love and fatherly pride. I remember when a boy hugged me a little too long in front of my dad and I thought my dad was going to have a heart attack and his eyes pop out of his head:)
I remember getting my first real boyfriends. One became known as "The Dude". It didn't take boyfriends long to respect my dad and to become familiar with "Dad's chair". I remember picking out my first car with Dad. I remember when Dad spoke at my 5A high school's Baccalaureate and I remember being so proud of him.
I remember when Dad took me to college day. I was so nervous but felt so "taken care of" by my dad. I remember when Dad and Mom took me to ACU to stay. I loved hearing Dad pray over me as they were leaving me.
I remember when David asked Dad if he could marry me. Dad said yes and asked one thing of David. He said, "Her mom and I have protected her heart from the minute she was born and now I ask that you do the same." I remember Dad walking me down the aisle and performing the most beautiful marriage ceremony I have ever seen. I felt so blessed to have him play that part in my day. I remember the night before Malaya was born and him calling the family around me and he led our family in prayer as we welcomed in the next generation. I remember the joy he radiated as he became "Grampy". And again, a few hours after Malaya was born he had everyone circle around in our hospital room as we rejoiced and lifted up a prayer of joy and gratitude for Malaya's safe arrival. I remember that Dad could put Malaya to sleep like no one else.
I remember as our familiy went through an extremely rough year. And as that year evolved Dad still remained strong, confident, and Godly. He never lowered himself or gave up his convictions to suit others. He held his integrity. He held his boldness. He held his devotion to a committed situation even though it stunk. He held our family together and encouraged us even though he was the one being attacked and treated in ungodly ways. I watched on Jan. 9th in utmost admiration and respect as he held his honor and composure in a situation that seemed hopeless, pitiful and sick. He was my mom's rock and our family's rock during that storm in our lives. And Christ still redeemed our family through grace.
I remember as people from Decatur started calling Dad. I was thrilled when Dad accepted the job there. I love watching the people there love on my parents, listen in respect to his teaching, accept him as a man of God, and encourage him.
Thanks Dad for being you! Thanks for your guidance, your discipline, your countless prayers over us three kids, your love for our mom, your devotion, your loyalty, your encouragement, your leadership, your forgiveness, your wisdom, your example of Jesus, you being a student of God's word, your committment to ministry, your example of friendship, your untradable "Grampy-ness", and your testimony of a life of faith. The people that you have blessed, encouraged, brought to know the Lord, and led into deeper relationship with the Lord are countless!!
I love you, Dad and we celebrate your life!!
Saturday, October 08, 2005
First Memory: I know this is sad but truly the first true memoryI have was when I almost drowned when I was 3. I have mental images of being in the hospital and talking to my 'B' on the phone!
First Kiss: First real one was....... I can't share. There are people that read this that know him to this day. Way too embarrassing.
First Concert: Acapella
First Love: My mom and my 'B'
First thing I think in the Morning: "NOT YET"
First Book I remember loving: Go, Dog Go!
First Pet: Roxy (I just remember her throwing up a lot!
First Question when I get to Heaven: OOOH! I am sure you all know what that will be: Why didn't he give me more babies! (People always say we won't care when we get there so maybe I won't ask that but my more humanly self wants to ask that:)
First word I think of for Vacation: Fun
First Best Friend: Devin Picha
Last Time I dressed up: Wednesday night church (That's about as good as it gets:) I will be getting dressed up today.
Last thing I ate: Sausage Biscuit from McDonald's
Last CD I bought: Jesse McCartney
Last time I cried: Stupid me watched Baby Story this past week. Not smart.
Last time I told someone I loved them: Through gritted teeth to my husband on the phone a few minutes ago after him telling me that he won't be back to the hotel for a few more hours:(
Last really fun thing I did: Sitting on a hotel bed eating Subway sandwiches with David and Malaya at 9:00 last night.
Last thing I watched on TV: Angels and Yankees game
Last Halloween Costume: Little Bo Peep
Last Concert- Chris Tomlin, Casting Crowns, and Stephen Curtis Chapman, awesome concert (Thanks Jeff and Valerie:)
Okay... I tag Dad, Mom, and Melanie and anyone else who reads!! (Just copy and paste)
Thursday, October 06, 2005
Blessings to Mandy and Jace. It's gonna' be fun!!
Tuesday, October 04, 2005
I really enjoy my 2:00 to 3:00 hour every day. If I miss a day I read the recaps on the website or I call my fellow watcher for an even better update. There is something about watching a soap opera that makes you feel so much better about your life. My life surely could never be that bad! There is no way I can grow up with pycho parents, not know who my daddy is, be stalked when I get to college by a nut case, be a victim of many sinful endeavors, sleep with every man in my town, have a few of their babies but yet not know who the father is b/c I "fell in love" with each one but the relationships only lasts a week, possibly lose the baby but then find out the next month I am pregnant again(with a different man) after being told I would never have children again, work just several hours a day, have romantic evenings of candles, bubbles, and wine, be shot by the mob a thousand times but never die, be beautifully make-uped everyday and even wake up in the mornings looking fresh and ready to go to a party, yadda, yadda, yadda, yadda............
It is so unreal that it makes it great! I am an avid watcher of GH. It has history and it wins many many yearly awards (my dad right now is gagging)!
2-3 used to be Malaya's cartoon watching hour, but since she can not watch cartoons any more it is her own "special" time in her room to play, dance to music, or whatever as long as she doesn't talk to me..JUST KIDDING!!
I end with a very serious question--
Can you be a Soap Opera watcher and still go to heaven??
Just kidding again.....You really don't need to answer the question...NO, really Dad, you don't have to answer that...
Saturday, October 01, 2005
And all this is for You.
For your glory and your fame.
It's NOT about me,
As if you should do things my way.
You alone are God,
And I surrender,
To your ways!
Jesus, Lover of my soul.
All consuming fire is in your gaze.
Jesus, I want you to know,
That I will follow you for all my days.
For no one else in history is like,
For history itself belongs to you.
Alpha and Omega, You have loved me.
And I will share eternity with you.
Wow! I love the lyris to "Passion" songs. I was able to spend a few hours by myself and boy, was I blessed by that time. It makes me giggle b/c sometimes when David and Malaya are gone, I turn on Passion or Nichole Nordeman and I mean I bust it. I dance, (Yes, friends and family I truly do but just when I am alone!) I sing, I pray, I worship........ I imagine that I am singing before His throne, at MY savior's feet. Man, how time stands still. How that during that moment of absorbed worship, truly NOTHING else matters.
Thanks to God that he gifted people with the gift of writing songs and music.
It truly is ALL about HIM!
Have a great Sunday and a fresh new October:)
Thursday, September 29, 2005
God's personality reflects in the seasons.
I volunteered today at Malaya's school. Most days when I work ( I feel bad for calling it work b/c it is so much fun to me!) at the school I work in the Teacher's workroom but today Miss Rhodes had me work in the classroom all day so I got to sit and "secretly" watch Malaya all day. After our interesting week last week it was great to see her be so kind and loving towards her classmates. She gave hugs to a lot of the kids when she got there today. She sat in circle time with the cutest little smile on her face you have ever seen. Just watching her today made my heart smile:)
Now don't get me wrong--as sweet as I think her heart is, there is a little demon that still is creeping in occasionally and makes me wonder who in the world this little girl is. Hopefully our "demon" will not make his/her way any deeper:)
I love my little Kindergartener. Hopefully I can be a solid mom as we work this "special" phase.
Sunday, September 25, 2005
Today after a morning of firm, exhausting discipline once again with our 5 year old daughter, I could not get home fast enough from church. I kicked off my Sunday dress clothes, put on some comfy pajamas and curled up in my bed. I had told Malaya that after our "fun" morning that she was going to have to take a nap today. So she did the same-got her Sunday clothes off, changed into a comfy t-shirt, gathered 3 books and we curled up into our bed.
We discissed our morning and how that "mommy's" heart was feeling really sad about the way she acted. And she said that her's was too. She confessed that she was sorry for letting the devil have a party and she was even sorrier because she knew that God was feeling even sadder than mommy and daddy were over the way she acted. We then hugged and went on to other important things in life.....
We read a fun silly songs book called, I'm Stilll Here in the Bathtub. Then we read, Dora Goes to School, and then off to our new Junie B. Jones book, Meanie Jim's Birthday, which we read 2 chapters of. Malaya asked for 3 songs and in the middle of Blue Skies and Rainbows she drifted off to sleep. We slept for 2 hours! I woke up to her singing "Thank You Lord for loving me and thank you Lord for blessing me." Is there a better way to be woken up from your Sunday afternoon nap??
I think not..
God is at work in our little family. When Malaya was in my womb David and I prayed that God would mold her into a bold, strong, independent woman of God. I think He is in the process of doing that molding but, as we all know, sometimes that is called pruning, and that hurts.
Malaya's bottom is proof of that!
Thursday, September 22, 2005
After handfuls of spankings, hours of talking, minutes of sitting in her room, and many other tactics, we are now finished with this one venture. And tomorrow I will begin praying for God to begin preparing David and I for the next "venture".
Malaya is a jewel and I will lay my head on my pillow tonight and praise God for a beautiful daughter and a wonderful, God-seeking, devoted husband!
I am glad this day is over!!
About 15 minutes ago we got some very devestating news! I will not give the details b/c I am way too prideful as a mom:)
I do not even know where to begin...
I am so frustrated I wanted to write about it but I don't think I can. Sorry!
On Wednesday nights we are talking about discipline and boy do I wish I had this scenario to seek advice on last night.
I need help. I need wisdom. I need patience. I need DISCIPLINE!
I am sorry I am leaving you clueless. Maybe as this thing evolves I can write about it specifically.
Until then pray over our evening and please pray for Malaya. She is about to get it!:[
Monday, September 19, 2005
Love it!! This has been one of my favorite verses for a long time!! What a hard process but what an amazing journey!!
Bring on the hope!!
Do I get an amen up in here??
Friday, September 16, 2005
What a great Friday night!! The only thing that could be any better would be some High school football. Soon, very soon:)
Hope you are having a great weekend too!
Thursday, September 15, 2005
There is not one day that goes by that Satan does not remind me that I do not and may not ever have any more children. Some days Satan reminds with little things like commercials of positive pregnancy tests or just walking in the park and everyone having a sibling except Malaya. BUT other days Satan rains down the reminders. One of those days was yesterday. All the old, sinful thoughts came: the overwhelming sadness, the anger, the jealousy, the questioning God and myself, and just the simple grief of what isn't. Though I have learned to laugh at Satan and I am slowly learning his tricks, I still can not help but yearn in my heart. My desire for more children runs soooo deep. My pain still strikes me in my gut almost daily. Me asking God (as whiny as it seems), Why everyone else but not me, Lord, why??? As long as I breathe breath on this earth I will ask that question. Everyday I pursue an answer knowing there will not be one.
Two days ago, David was studying and came across this verse. I had it highlighted in my Bible but had unfortunately forgotten it.
"There are three things that are never satisfied, four that never say, 'Enough!'
the grave, the BARREN WOMB, land which is never satisfied with water, and fire, which never says, 'Enough' " Proverbs 30:15
God's word tells me that my barren womb will never be content. Yes, I will continue to be devoted in prayer, and continue to desire to be more like Jesus daily but my empty womb will never say, "This is okay." My womb may remain closed forever and my womb will die unsatisfied but I do know that when I die physically....so will my womb. I will forever be in Heaven where ALL things are satisfied.
Until then I will saturate Malaya with all my love. She deserves nothing less. She is a jewel! And when I look in her eyes, I see hope.
And so I trust....I trust in God's plan. I trust that His ways are perfect.
Tuesday, September 13, 2005
All these monumental times in my daughter's life. Who would think that having a first loose tooth would make a mom a little teary eyed.
Pulling and losing teeth was not happy times in my house growing up. Let's hope Malaya is a little more brave than her mother!
Monday, September 12, 2005
When we were little I remember laying down for "rest time" every day and reading Josh Dr. Seuss books. I remember playing Dukes of Hazzard in Maw-Maw and Paw-Paw's car and the time we actually made the car roll out of the garage. I remember laying in bed trying to go to sleep and quizzing each other on the Astro's line-up and positions. I remember when you busted your lip open and had to get stitches from sliding into home base (the fireplace). I remember spending a huge part of my life at your football, baseball, basketball games, as one of your biggest fans. I remember how that you had verses written on your wrist tape. I remember watching you bow to pray before each game and as the season went on as more and more teammates joined you. I remember how ever since we were little, you have been a role model for those around you.
I also remember when you skinny-dipped in the baptistry:) The many girlfriends that I ,didn't like or didn't think were good enough for you, that I would tell them to leave you alone. I think the closest I ever came to getting in a physical fight with someone, was with one of your girlfriends:) I remember when you spoke your first sermon in Crockett! I remember the precious, unforgetable words you spoke at my wedding and you banging yourself in your head with your Bible to keep from crying. I remember telling you that you were gonna' be an uncle. I remember when I was pregnant and you went to the doctor with me to hear her heartbeat. I remember that after Malaya being only a few minutes old, the nurse put Malaya's footprints on your t-shirt. I remember you rocking Malaya when she was just a few days old and singing Will Smith's "Just the Two of Us." And of course your willingness to come out as "Amy" on vacation just for Malaya.
Josh, Thanks for being a man of truth. For being a man of integrity. For being a student of God's word. For your deep compassion for others. For your love of my wonderful sister in law, Kayci Joy. For your ability to make me laugh. For your support and committment to those you love. For your love for the lost and the homeless and the poor. Thank you for your example of Jesus. Thank you for being one who battles life through prayer and devotion and meditation.
Thanks Josh for being my brother and one of my greatest friends!! May this next year bring you closer to our Lord. May He continue His great work in you. I love you!!
Thursday, September 08, 2005
It is really not fun to be sick. You should see my house. I finally made myself get out of bed last night and I found destruction!! There were about 3 days worth of dishes overflowing in the sink. DISGUSTING!! There were cups of old milk out in the living room. Used pots and pans on the stove (cooked eggs I might add). My precious husband did get Malaya to and from school each day and he fed and bathed her. The "essentials" got done.
Please pray the Lysol sprays will take over our home and that this sickness will be banished from the Bizaillion's household.
Monday, September 05, 2005
What a blessing it has been for several of us to witness and be a part of these people's lives. We have fallen in love with the sweet elderly woman named Brenda Joyce. She is a straight shooter and so witty. Her apartment is completely under water. They all have such intriging stories.
Please do not stop praying for these beautiful people and that those helping them will help them with wisdom and humility and most of all through the Lord's strength.
Friday, September 02, 2005
Praise God for His continual refreshment, fresh air, oxygen of hope, and that there is something beyond what we know now.
Thank ya' Jesus!
I am tired!
Tuesday, August 30, 2005
Please still comment!!
I heard her for the first time when I was 8 months pregnant with Malaya and I was floored and awed by her talent and the way she led the whole crowd to a place of worship. Nichole's music has been my "best friend" through some milestones in my life:
--Her music played a lot during those first few weeks of Malaya's life. It was calming for me and Malaya.
--When Malaya was 3 months old we moved from Abilene to Tulsa, Oklahoma. My heart was so scared and torn driving that drive to Tulsa for the first time. David had bought us an apartment over the internet. I had never seen it. We knew NO ONE. It was very scary. Nichole's music played in the car. Her song about Jesus being crucified was playing and I realized that my fear was insignificant and that God was going to be there for me as He was for His own son.
--Many of you know that David andI have been trying to have another baby for over 4 years now. A year and half into that journey I was seeing a specialist and they did a very expensive procedure that I was just SURE had worked. I had the blood work done that I knew would be positive. I went back to my parents house in Grapevine to await my good news. They called and said that it did not work. I was not pregnant. My mom kept Malaya and the whole way home I played over and over a song called My Offering as I bawled and cried out to the Lord and gave Him my life over and over again. There truly was an angel driving my car that day b/c I have no clue how I made it home. :)
-About a year after that God started teaching me a lot about "church". What it is and is not supposed to be. Of course, another one of Nichole's songs was there.
"Oh, the days when I drew lines around my faith to keep you out, to keep me in, to keep it safe.
Oh the sense of my own self, to say whose wrong, who won't belong, or who can not stay.
Cause, somebody, somewhere decided we'd be better off divided and somehow despite the damage done,
He says come.
There is room enough for all of us.
The arms are opened wide enough.
This is the heart of the one who stands before and open door and bids us come.
Oh the times when I have failed to recognize, how many chairs are gathered there around the feast.
To break the bread and break these boundaries that have kept us from our only common ground, the invitation to sit down if we will come.
There is room enough for all of us.
And the arms are open wide enough.
This is the heart of the one, who stands before an open door and bids us come."
I love it.
More Nichole lyrics to come also. Maybe I will do a Nichole "Song of the week".
Her new CD is amazing. If you don't have it, you need it!! Her single Brave has reminded me that with Christ we can have the strength to do and get through anything.
Anybody else have an artist that the Lord has worked through to draw you near to Him during certain times in you life? I would love to hear them.
Monday, August 29, 2005
Thursday, August 25, 2005
We will be going to Women of Faith this weekend. I am going with two of my most favorite people, my mom and sister in law, Jennifer. We will truly miss my other sister in law, Kayci:) But we will think lots about her and wish she was there!! I can't wait to spend that 24 hours with them and share faith stories of the past few months. The Ross' have taken some deep hits this past year (more on this in blogs to come) and yet still God has been victorious through every member of our family. Not one Ross will ever go down in this life without a fight from each member. May the devil never gain one of our souls!!
This will be a great weekend of teaching and refreshment!!
Wednesday, August 24, 2005
Every once in a while a full a STRONG pull from the Holy Spirit to pray the following prayer and every single time I feel like the Holy Spirit is ripping the words from my heart and mouth because they are so hard to pray: I pray that He (God) will do WHATEVER it takes to make her a true, wholehearted believer. This brings tears to my eyes even typing this because I know from personal experience that many times the only way us stupid humans "get it" and become truly devoted is through pain and devestating experiences. What parent wants their child to experience this-selfishly, NOT ME!! I dread these times as a mom. My heart already aches for these times. BUT--in a deeper part of my heart, I give thanks to Our God who is control of IT ALL and DOES NOT FORSAKE US. He is ALMIGHTY, Alpha and Omega!! AMAZING!!!! And that through those hard, painful times I pray that my flesh, Malaya, will choose her Lord and will choose faithfulness!! I can battle for her through prayer.
My love for Malaya goes so deep!
Thank you Father, for being my foundation. May I teach my daughter to lean on that same rock. Thanks God for letting me be Malaya's mom. May I never forget what you have done for me and what you will do for her!!
Monday, August 22, 2005
Being a Christian mom that has chosen to put my child in public school, I feel it is vitally important for me to be involved and active at her school. I want to be aware what my child is learning, who her friends are, what her environment is, etc. There are so many ways that she can be Jesus to so many kids. I am excited about that opportunity for her. Kindergarten is Malaya's first ministry:)
I am so excited about this year for both of us. Not only is this a whole new world for her but it is also a whole new stage as her mom. The life that David and I thought we would be living right now looks absolutely nothing like we had expected ( more blogs on that to come). So I am stepping into it not quite sure where my feet are going but I am concentrating firmly on the face of God so that I do not get distracted in this time of uncertainity. May God use me and Malaya to bring Him and His joy into people's lives!
What a fun year we have in store for us Biz's!!
Sunday, August 21, 2005
I pray God brings more business to this area. Please join me in prayer for David's safety and that God will bring our family closer to Him during this part of our journey.
Saturday, August 20, 2005
What a day!