Thursday, September 29, 2005

Today it is Fall!

Maybe not tomorrow or in 3 days but today feels like fall. It was the greatest feeling to walk outside this morning and get a breath of fresh air. I love the way the air feels today. It is beautiful. I love this time of year!

God's personality reflects in the seasons.


I volunteered today at Malaya's school. Most days when I work ( I feel bad for calling it work b/c it is so much fun to me!) at the school I work in the Teacher's workroom but today Miss Rhodes had me work in the classroom all day so I got to sit and "secretly" watch Malaya all day. After our interesting week last week it was great to see her be so kind and loving towards her classmates. She gave hugs to a lot of the kids when she got there today. She sat in circle time with the cutest little smile on her face you have ever seen. Just watching her today made my heart smile:)

Now don't get me wrong--as sweet as I think her heart is, there is a little demon that still is creeping in occasionally and makes me wonder who in the world this little girl is. Hopefully our "demon" will not make his/her way any deeper:)

I love my little Kindergartener. Hopefully I can be a solid mom as we work this "special" phase.

Sunday, September 25, 2005

Sunday Afternoon Nap Heaven

I love Sundays! Of course, I love Sundays because we get to worship in a community of faith, get to fellowship with our Christian friends and lots of other good "Christian" reasons. But I love Sundays also because it is the one day of a week you are allowed to take a nap and not feel guilty for being lazy. Most people do truly obey the Lord's command and they do rest on the 7th day. Being that I am a straight obeyer of the rules-I please the Lord-and I nap (rest) on Sundays.

Today after a morning of firm, exhausting discipline once again with our 5 year old daughter, I could not get home fast enough from church. I kicked off my Sunday dress clothes, put on some comfy pajamas and curled up in my bed. I had told Malaya that after our "fun" morning that she was going to have to take a nap today. So she did the same-got her Sunday clothes off, changed into a comfy t-shirt, gathered 3 books and we curled up into our bed.

We discissed our morning and how that "mommy's" heart was feeling really sad about the way she acted. And she said that her's was too. She confessed that she was sorry for letting the devil have a party and she was even sorrier because she knew that God was feeling even sadder than mommy and daddy were over the way she acted. We then hugged and went on to other important things in life.....
We read a fun silly songs book called, I'm Stilll Here in the Bathtub. Then we read, Dora Goes to School, and then off to our new Junie B. Jones book, Meanie Jim's Birthday, which we read 2 chapters of. Malaya asked for 3 songs and in the middle of Blue Skies and Rainbows she drifted off to sleep. We slept for 2 hours! I woke up to her singing "Thank You Lord for loving me and thank you Lord for blessing me." Is there a better way to be woken up from your Sunday afternoon nap??

I think not..

God is at work in our little family. When Malaya was in my womb David and I prayed that God would mold her into a bold, strong, independent woman of God. I think He is in the process of doing that molding but, as we all know, sometimes that is called pruning, and that hurts.

Malaya's bottom is proof of that!

Thursday, September 22, 2005

My Precious Sweet Angel. maybe not:(

update 8:22 p.m. - God was (is) faithful! I am married to the greatest Dad ever! God did give us wisdom. Sometimes I think in our effort to teach our children how to be like God, we forget how moldable and teachable that they are.
After handfuls of spankings, hours of talking, minutes of sitting in her room, and many other tactics, we are now finished with this one venture. And tomorrow I will begin praying for God to begin preparing David and I for the next "venture".
Malaya is a jewel and I will lay my head on my pillow tonight and praise God for a beautiful daughter and a wonderful, God-seeking, devoted husband!
I am glad this day is over!!
About 15 minutes ago we got some very devestating news! I will not give the details b/c I am way too prideful as a mom:)
I do not even know where to begin...
I am so frustrated I wanted to write about it but I don't think I can. Sorry!

On Wednesday nights we are talking about discipline and boy do I wish I had this scenario to seek advice on last night.

I need help. I need wisdom. I need patience. I need DISCIPLINE!

I am sorry I am leaving you clueless. Maybe as this thing evolves I can write about it specifically.

Until then pray over our evening and please pray for Malaya. She is about to get it!:[

Monday, September 19, 2005

Romans 5:3,4

"But we rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us."

Love it!! This has been one of my favorite verses for a long time!! What a hard process but what an amazing journey!!

Bring on the hope!!

Do I get an amen up in here??

Friday, September 16, 2005

Tunafish, Astros and a Movie!

The Biz's are settling in for the evening! David made tunafish sandwiches for dinner. At ACU, tunafish became an entree and sometimes we like to fix it to remind us of the "good ole' days". We are going to watch a bit of the Astros game and eat brownies that Malaya and I made. After Malaya goes to bed, David and I are going to watch a movie!
What a great Friday night!! The only thing that could be any better would be some High school football. Soon, very soon:)

Hope you are having a great weekend too!

Thursday, September 15, 2005

Subtle Reminders!

I know most of you knew this blog was coming b/c most of you have seen my tears, watched David and I go through medical treatments and surgeries, and most amazingly you have seen me through a continual spiritual journey of learning what it means to approach God daily with your life and heart-knowing that none of it belongs to me but to the one who Created and Designs all things!

There is not one day that goes by that Satan does not remind me that I do not and may not ever have any more children. Some days Satan reminds with little things like commercials of positive pregnancy tests or just walking in the park and everyone having a sibling except Malaya. BUT other days Satan rains down the reminders. One of those days was yesterday. All the old, sinful thoughts came: the overwhelming sadness, the anger, the jealousy, the questioning God and myself, and just the simple grief of what isn't. Though I have learned to laugh at Satan and I am slowly learning his tricks, I still can not help but yearn in my heart. My desire for more children runs soooo deep. My pain still strikes me in my gut almost daily. Me asking God (as whiny as it seems), Why everyone else but not me, Lord, why??? As long as I breathe breath on this earth I will ask that question. Everyday I pursue an answer knowing there will not be one.

Two days ago, David was studying and came across this verse. I had it highlighted in my Bible but had unfortunately forgotten it.
"There are three things that are never satisfied, four that never say, 'Enough!'
the grave, the BARREN WOMB, land which is never satisfied with water, and fire, which never says, 'Enough' " Proverbs 30:15

God's word tells me that my barren womb will never be content. Yes, I will continue to be devoted in prayer, and continue to desire to be more like Jesus daily but my empty womb will never say, "This is okay." My womb may remain closed forever and my womb will die unsatisfied but I do know that when I die will my womb. I will forever be in Heaven where ALL things are satisfied.

Until then I will saturate Malaya with all my love. She deserves nothing less. She is a jewel! And when I look in her eyes, I see hope.

And so I trust....I trust in God's plan. I trust that His ways are perfect.

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

The tooth fairy will be coming soon!

I try to wiggle Malaya's teeth every once in a while to check on them:) Usually I check the top teeth b/c I thought those were the ones that you are supposed to lose first. Today I decided to check the bottom teeth also. One is sooooo loose. I can not believe I have a child old enough to lose teeth!! Wow! It seems like just yesterday we were excited when she had her whole mouth of teeth before she even turned one! She got her first tooth when she was 3 months old!

All these monumental times in my daughter's life. Who would think that having a first loose tooth would make a mom a little teary eyed.

Pulling and losing teeth was not happy times in my house growing up. Let's hope Malaya is a little more brave than her mother!

Monday, September 12, 2005

Tribute to Brother - Josh

I must let you know that I have two, wonderful brothers. Today, 25 years ago I became a sister. I am such a proud big sister! Today is Josh's birthday. (Jonathan, I will tribute to you soon b/c I wasn't blogging at your birthday!)
When we were little I remember laying down for "rest time" every day and reading Josh Dr. Seuss books. I remember playing Dukes of Hazzard in Maw-Maw and Paw-Paw's car and the time we actually made the car roll out of the garage. I remember laying in bed trying to go to sleep and quizzing each other on the Astro's line-up and positions. I remember when you busted your lip open and had to get stitches from sliding into home base (the fireplace). I remember spending a huge part of my life at your football, baseball, basketball games, as one of your biggest fans. I remember how that you had verses written on your wrist tape. I remember watching you bow to pray before each game and as the season went on as more and more teammates joined you. I remember how ever since we were little, you have been a role model for those around you.

I also remember when you skinny-dipped in the baptistry:) The many girlfriends that I ,didn't like or didn't think were good enough for you, that I would tell them to leave you alone. I think the closest I ever came to getting in a physical fight with someone, was with one of your girlfriends:) I remember when you spoke your first sermon in Crockett! I remember the precious, unforgetable words you spoke at my wedding and you banging yourself in your head with your Bible to keep from crying. I remember telling you that you were gonna' be an uncle. I remember when I was pregnant and you went to the doctor with me to hear her heartbeat. I remember that after Malaya being only a few minutes old, the nurse put Malaya's footprints on your t-shirt. I remember you rocking Malaya when she was just a few days old and singing Will Smith's "Just the Two of Us." And of course your willingness to come out as "Amy" on vacation just for Malaya.
Josh, Thanks for being a man of truth. For being a man of integrity. For being a student of God's word. For your deep compassion for others. For your love of my wonderful sister in law, Kayci Joy. For your ability to make me laugh. For your support and committment to those you love. For your love for the lost and the homeless and the poor. Thank you for your example of Jesus. Thank you for being one who battles life through prayer and devotion and meditation.
Thanks Josh for being my brother and one of my greatest friends!! May this next year bring you closer to our Lord. May He continue His great work in you. I love you!!

Thursday, September 08, 2005

More sickness

Well, Malaya got well. Then Mommy (that would be me) got sick and this sickness WILL NOT go away. This morning David woke up sick!!
It is really not fun to be sick. You should see my house. I finally made myself get out of bed last night and I found destruction!! There were about 3 days worth of dishes overflowing in the sink. DISGUSTING!! There were cups of old milk out in the living room. Used pots and pans on the stove (cooked eggs I might add). My precious husband did get Malaya to and from school each day and he fed and bathed her. The "essentials" got done.
Please pray the Lysol sprays will take over our home and that this sickness will be banished from the Bizaillion's household.

Monday, September 05, 2005

Putting it in Perspective!

The last few days have been days of overwhelming emotions. Several families from our church have found a hotel of refugees that we have adopted and are trying to serve. As we have visited with these familes and become involved in their lives it has been such a blessing to know their "simplicity". Even through such a devastating time for them it has put my life in perspective. These people have come here with nothing. They have no clothes, no shoes, no homes, no jobs, no food, NOTHING!! We are doing our best to get them back into "life". So many of the things I stress and worry about do NOT matter. Who cares what I am going to wear each day as long as I have clothes. These people ate bologna sandwiches for one whole week. Who cares what I am going to eat as long as I have something to eat. And so on and so on.
What a blessing it has been for several of us to witness and be a part of these people's lives. We have fallen in love with the sweet elderly woman named Brenda Joyce. She is a straight shooter and so witty. Her apartment is completely under water. They all have such intriging stories.
Please do not stop praying for these beautiful people and that those helping them will help them with wisdom and humility and most of all through the Lord's strength.

Friday, September 02, 2005

Are ya' Tired?

If ya' know me you know that I LOVE to sleep. Some people in my life would say, "what a waste of time and life." I LOVE to sleep. Sometimes I just get so exhausted of life. Way too many problems, way too many hurting people, way too much devestation, way too MUCH!! My life is full of these things and whether you want to admit it, your life is too. :)
Praise God for His continual refreshment, fresh air, oxygen of hope, and that there is something beyond what we know now.
Thank ya' Jesus!

I am tired!